Happy 21st Birthday

Dear Kak Long,

Today being your special day, mama would like to dedicate this entry to you. I have not written any birthday entry to any one of your sister this year, but since today is your 21st birthday, I thought I would write something. I hope that I would be able to able to do this to all your sisters when their time come. Itu pun kalau mama masih sihat, tak nyanyuk atau masih ada di sini.

It feels like it was just yesterday that I have given birth to you. Time flew too fast, and now you are already 21 years old. Baba and I had watched you grow from small until now.

I remember your birth because, Baba had hoped for a girl at that time. So it was the one and only time Baba had bought me flowers. Maybe after that he was dissapointed for not having a son. But to me having daughters or sons are the blessing of Allah. I love all of you just equally. You know that Baba loves you all as much as well.

When maktok saw you one the day you were born, she said you were as fair as "kapas". See how fair you were? :-). I thought that you were anaemic when she said that, since you were already 10 days overdue. Now you are still fair but probably not as fair as that.

I also remember that when you were a baby, Baba would look forward to come home from work to play with you. I know he likes children, but it was unexpected confession from him, since when we discussed the subject of having children, he said that he felt that he was not ready to have one. But seing and holding the small feet and hands of a baby had soften him.

As you grow, we see changes in you year to year. You have never been a problematic child. It was easy to raise you, even now you are still the same. Being the eldest, you seem to have "mengalah" more than "mengarah" Your pleasant personality have made it easy for people to be around you. You seems reserved and shy and at times not very confident of your self. You would need someone to accompany you, whenever you wanted to go some where.

But now, I see a more mature you. You have turned from a timid girl into a more confident person. I was not sure that the study course would suit you at first. Although I helped you choose the course, I was worried that it may have suit you, that it may have burdened you. But, I was suprised that you have adapted well, and seem to have liked the course. You have shown that you are able to carry yourself well, where ever you are going. I am not sure what you have planned for your future, we will be here for you to guide you along.

Being 21, to some, is like coming of age, a freedom age. Now you can register yourself as a voter even hehehe. Who knows Permatang Pauh may need to have another by-election in the near future hehehe. What ever your age may be, please don't loose the mischevious glint in your eyes, please know that we love you as our daughter, our first born, till the day we die. There are times that I have regretted not planning better in my life, so I hope that I would be able to guide you and your sisters along as you all grow.

Seing you now, also makes me feel at ease that, if ever anything happened to me and Baba, you would be able to take care of your sisters well.

So Kak Long, on your 21st birthday today, this is mama's prayer for you.

May Allah guides you into the straight path

May you have the blessing of Allah in your future undertakings.

May you always have success in your life

May you be a person that you wanted to be,

A person who is confident to enter the world, meeting the challenges of life with smiles and courage.

We love you Kak Long and have a great 21st Birthday.......

Mama

Nora - Dalam Kenangan

Oh yes, I have been neglecting my blog for a long time.

Thank you for visiting, comments and wishes but, Sorry to all who have been coming here without any new content. I didn't even realise there had been a "war" going on on the comment page. Hehehehe.

Kak Mutiara, thanks for coming to my defense. I appreciate that very much. But again, what happened there may have given me a good idea for a blog entry. Before that, let me just post an entry, a sad one by the way as a tribute to my young niece.

InsyaAllah, I will tell more why I had been busy for the past few months. July and August were the busiest months for me and September is Ramdhan. A full time house wife job is a never ending job, but then again I do have time to satisfy some "addiction". So just wait and see ( I hope iit would be NOT too long...).

Here is a story on Nora.

Although this happened 2 months back, I could still remember it well. I was on my way back from Langkawi, that day. It was a trip with the committee members of USAHAWATI, for a 2 days, 1 night road show trip. On the way back that evening I took a lift from Kak Zaini and her family.

As we were approaching the Kuala Kedah road, I received a call from Abang Lang, a distressed voice on the other end of the phone could only reflect his emotion at that time. I could understand how he felt but unable to console him as much as he needed it. He was telling me the worsening condition of Nora. Her kidney had totally failed and the doctor was contemplating doing a dialysis for her.

Not much later, about an hour later, I received another call from him telling me that Nora is no longer with us. I could not say much except for “Innalillahiwainailaihirajiun…” She passed away at 9.15 pm on 8 July 2008, without regaining consciousness after being in a coma for more than 3 weeks. She was only 26 years old.

I remembered carrying her, and playing with her whenever I was down in Shah Alam, years ago when she was a toddler. Watched her grew up into a boisterous young lady, later a wife and mother. I remembered her wedding, I wrote about it in this blog too. I remembered her stay at our house when she was pregnant with her daughter, the first time after her marriage, and the last time stayed at our house last raya, with her husband and daughter. She was supposed to come and stay again on the 31 May 2008. That date was the last date we see her “alive”.

On 31 May 2008 was the wedding of another one of my nieces here in the north. Abang Lang came back with only Kak Lang and his daughters only. Nora was their eldest daughter. At one time we thought that she might be the only daughter, because Abang Lang has 5 sons after Nora. But Allah has planned that Abang Lang would have 2 more daughters besides Nora. Being the eldest and the only girl in the family for a long time, she was rougher and hard headed than the brothers. I used to remember Kak Lang having such a headache over her.

Abang Lang arrived late on the 30th night. Nora and her sisters were having high fever. So instead of staying at my house, they decided to stay at my younger sister’s place, which is nearer to the vicinity of the kenduri. They never did stay at my house on that occasion because Abang Lang took them to Sungai Petani after the kenduri. Apparently it was Nora’s last visit up north.

She never actually recovered from the high fever. When they went back to Shah Alam her conditioned worsened. She was hospitalised right after. She came home for a short while because she wanted to see her husband, back to Kuantan, where he is working. According to Kak Lang she was so weak and delirous that they had decided to admit her into the hospital. She was conscious for about a week and then she slipped into a coma. Up until the end the doctor could not tell us what was wrong with her. They suspected a form of virus attack, but what virus and where it came from was a mystery until today. The doctor was asking the family if she had been to overseas lately, Nora had never stepped out of the country at all.

I visited her once when she was at the hospital, taking the trip down with my mother who wanted to visit her sick granddaughter. All we could see from outside the room was her stiff body lying there with life support machine wired to her. It was sad to see her in that condition.

Hearing the doctor’s report on her condition and seeing her body system “shutting down” one by one was the saddest thing for the parents and us the families to undergo. After the high fever, the brain was swollen and when they sedated her to the maximum level after which she could not be revived. The doctor decided to sadate her because her white blod cell count was high. If she had survived, she would have been bed-ridden. After that you could see other organs starting to break down. Her kidneys were malfunctioning and the lungs were infected. It was like that until the end.

She left behind a young daughter just about to celebrate her one year old birthday when Nora passed away. Athirah now called her grandmother (Kak Lang) “mak”. Nora had a good and pious husband who was praying for her every step of the way when she was at the hospital. I could not have found a more “sabar” nephew-in-law than he is. It was heart wrenching to see the parents bury their eldest daughter, albeit submitting to Allah's will.

Hanya redha dan sabar sahaja yang dapat mengubat hati yang luluh.

Now, all we have of Nora was her memories. She short-lived us all, her grandmothers (my mother & her maternal grandmother), her parents, uncles and aunties.

Walaupun Allah hanya “meminjamkan” Nora kepada kami hanya untuk 26 tahun namun, kami redha dengan ketentuanNya. Semoga Allah mencucuri Rahmatnya kepada Nora dan menempatkan dia bersama orang-orangyang beriman, InsyaAllah.

This is the last smile from her.

I am 50 Today

Terharu jugak aku ni bila tengok ada jugak orang m asih menjenguk blog yang dah sunyi sepi sejak Feb 2008.

Terima kasih lah pada yang masih ingat pada AN ni. Especially to jokontan, kerana dia blogger yang pertama yang sms birthday wish to AN this morning.

So nak cerita sikit lah macam mana aku lalui birthday hari ni.

Sebenarnya weekend baru ni memang sibuk habis.

Maklumlah anak sedara kawin pada hari sabtu. Kemudian ahad kena pulak menghantar mempelai ke Yan (rumah pengantin lelaki). Asyik makan kenduri ajelah. Sabtu pun ada 3, tapi yang mampu pergi 2 ajelah sebab 1 rumah sepupu hubby. 2. rumah kakak sendiri.

Malam ahad tu pulak dah kena pergi mesyuarat program Hari Keluarga yang nak di adakan pada minggu depan. Hampir-hampir aku miss mesyuarat tu.

Jadinya, balik dari mesyuarat, tidur terus. Masa anak-anak datang wish happy birthday (at midnight) pun aku dah tak buka mata. Just say thanks saja.

Pagi tadi, lepas dah tutup pintu pagar semasa hubby keluar nak pergi kerja, macam biasalah rutin aku tu. Sapu laman sikit, keluarkan kain baju untuk di ampai, gitu-gitu lah. Hari ni memang aku cakap dengan anak-anak dara aku tu aku tak nak masak, nak suruh diorang yang sediakan makan pulak. Nasib baik mak ke rumah adik bongsu aku sebab abang lang ada kat sana. Abang lang balik makan kenduri kat rumah kakak M.

Pagi-pagi aku biasanya melayan aku punya "addiction" yang terbaru. Masih juga melalui internet, tapi bukan blogging atau chatting. Dah lama aku tak buat benda-benda tu. Sebab tu lah sepi saja blog ni. I will make an entry on the new "addiction" tu. Baru ada idea nak tulis nanti tu. Kak Long pun ada suggest aku tulis pasal tu hehehe.

Aku memang dah plan nak keluar hari ni. Tapi tak lah terlalu awal. Jadinya, dalam 11.00 lebih, aku terfikir ank ajak hubby pergi lunch. Konon, romantik lunch just the 2 of us lah. Bila call, kena tanya dulu dia sibuk ke tak, nasib baik jugak dia tak berapa sibuk. Jadi aku kena pergi dulu kat restoran tu, order food for 2, dan tunggu dia datang. Ambient memang romantik sekali, background music pulak lagu-lagu Engelbert Humperdink lah pulak. Menusuk kalbu betul lah tu hehehhe.

Yang spoilnya walau pun makanan nampak sedap, tapi sedikit masin, dan saladnya terlebih cuka. Hubby memang tak gemar makanan yang masam. Masa desert tu kami share banana split sebab desert aku terlambat sampai. Bila dah habis bana split tu baru diorang hantar desert yang aku order. Jadi share jugaklah desert yang kedua tu. Romantik habis nooo...

Lepas makan, aku pun pergi Carrefour seberang jaya, shopping groceries etc. Tup-tup Kak Zaini (one of my mentor) telefon ajak ke KL sebab ada SMIDec Convention kat KLCC on 4 June. Tayar kereta dah botak, memang dah plan nak tukar, hanya menunggu hari aje lah. Lepas aku discuss dengan hubby terus lah aku ke kedai tayar tukar 4, 4 tayar kereta tu. terbang RM900. Investment yang terpaksa, dan diperlukan. Kena jugak tukar, Takut nanti meletup dalam perjalanan pulak. Jadinya agak lewat aku sampai balik ke rumah hari ni.

Sampai di rumah, fish and chip yang anak-anak kata nak siapkan tu masih lagi ikan dan ubi mentah. Jenuh nak kerah budak-budak tu, suruh cepatkan sebab nanti baba nak balik makan. 4 sekali kerja, jadi cepatlah sikit, tapi penuhlah dapur tadi tu, asyik berlaga b*nt*t ajelah. Tapi tak apa, tak ada terasa apa-apa pun. hehehe.

Dah malam baru boleh nak post blog entry ni.

Sebenarnya cuak jugak aku ni sampai ke umur ini. Terasa diri dah dekat dengan pintu kubur dah, tapi rasanya persedian masih belum mencukupi. Uban di kepala pun dah tak larat nak di cabut dah. Nasib lah pakai tudung, tak nampak lah uban tu. Masih lah boleh orang dok kata aku ni tak nampak macam makcik 50 tahun. Alah, diorang tu just trying to be kind I think. Dah aku mekap tebal-tebal, tak nampak lah kedut-kedut kat muka tu kan. kan sekarang ni pun banyak produk yang boleh "rasa muda, jadi muda" tu kan. Telan je setiap hari, jadi "muda" lah nanti. Walau rupa nampak muda, umur tak "muda" kann....

InsyaAllah, aku nak aktif semula berblogging. Cuma mungkin tak se aktif dulu. Tak kan setiap entry nak cerita pasal kegiatan harian aku yang dah jadi "desperate housewife" ni kan? Nak jugak value add sikit. Kut nak bagi pedoman ke panduan ke, ke arah menjadi seorang usahawan or something. Baru lah ada isi yang mantap untuk blog. Buat malu aku je lah kalau asyik dok melalut tak kena gaya.

Lepas aku balik nanti aku cuba ceritakan apa ada pada convention tu, OK.

Yang masih ingat pada aku, terima kasih. Sebenarnya aku pun ingat kat semua. Cuma kadang-kadang terasa rendah diri bila nak cerita kegiatan aku yang dah tak berapa menarik ni.

Salam to all.