Mula sekali, aku nak mintak maaf sebab tak jawab semua komen-komen kat last entry.
Lepas tu, let me get rid of the cobwebs first. Dah bersawang dah blog aku ni. Tak semangat langsung aku tengok.
Then let me get on with this update.
Since it is a Friday, it must be a good day to re-start the blog.
I hope what I am going to write here would not be construed as whining. It is not my intention to whine. I am just going to pour my heart out. It may help some people to realise that they may be having the same feeling as me but dare not admit it, to themselves or their loved ones (family and friends)
After the so called retirement, I put up a brave front. I thought, things would be OK. I have some money and hubby is working. What more could I ask for, stay home and become the happy housewife (then later a desperate housewife OK, LOL).
The first 2 months was really a paradigm shift for me. I was like groping in the dark, not really know what to do. I thought that I had it all planned. Maybe it was all in my head and therefore execution is not always as easy as it looks. I had been telling hubby that I did not want to get back to work full time, I thought I may be ready to work part time or become an entreprenuer. Hubby seems to go along, while in his head he was not really confident that I am cut to be one. Anyhow, he saw the advertisement and I enrolled myself into the 8 weekend course. I told you about the entreprenuer development program, remember?
The program is all about a bank (GLC) promoting their products while developing the locals to become entreprenuer. It is a good program because you get to meet with the other participants who may have already have a business and those who were like me just learning the rope. The networking was great, we learnt from each other as well as the bank experiences in handling their customers. We were thought how to develop a proper business plan not just for the purpose of getting financing assistance from the bank, but as a guideline for you to monitor the development of your business.
It was a tiring 8 weekends for me trying to juggle the family life with the course. Because, I used to have the weekend for the family and then it was reversed. Although, I have "graduated" from the course, but it does make me realised that it would be just a beginning of perhaps a bigger "problem". To become an entreprenuer especially for a person as "naive" as me would not be something easy to do. There's competions that you have to consider, there's finance, marketing etc, etc. When you were working for other people, you would just be managing a single task either in Production, Marketing or Materials. Although the structure is the same, you willl have to have those functions in your company, but it may be that you may be habdling them all by yourselves unless of course you can afford to pay people. But at a start most entreprenuer would want to have a very lean organisation.
On personal/family issue, to actually be faced with the realities that you are no longer earning a monthly income, had also caused a slight strain in my relationship with hubby. He is still very understanding and supportive, but hearing him sigh everytime the children ask for money is causing me to be stressful. We used to have 2 incomes before, it used to be that the girls asked from me for their tuition fees, their school and college fees, I covered the house loan, the household expenses etc. So most of those were almost "invisible" from hubby. But now, everything he has to take care of. I was so stressed out that I was really sick on the last weekend of my course. But what really helped is the prayers. I did solat hajat to prevent me from falling into a depression. Alhamdulillah, I can feel that Allah is "looking" after me. I am now much better, especially emotionally. Physically, still "cun melecun" as ever, hehehe.
Life is not going to be all beds of roses after this. But, I will try to manage the best I can. InsyaAllah, I will have rezeki on the table, we will not go hungry. I am counting my blessings also because there are people who are in far worse situation than I am right now.
I shied away from blogging for a long time because I didn't want the negatives aura that was with me to be felt by my friends. I know that all of you care for me. I thank you from the bottom of my hearts for that. To those who had come and left a comment here, my apologies for not replying. My PC had crashed down twice already so far (of course not from blogging, LOL), and I had some trouble getting into the blog. Lame excuse right? Anyway, I will try harder to write again.
Thank you also for the birthday wishes. I know it it only just numbers, but I am moving towards 1/2 a century in age and a paradigm shift. Let's hope for a better tomorrow for everyone.