The Cat is Out Of the Bag

I have read Arena's entry about her indecision, whether to let her husband know about her blog. I didn't leave a comment there, but I know how she feels, on which step to take. If she doesn't tell him, what if he finds out that she has a blog, will he feel left out and hurt? What if she decides to let him know, will he be her biggest critic that may end up in her feeling uneasy to blog after that? I can't influence Arena or any other blogger for that decision because I my self have not told my hubby the url of my blog.

Let me digress a bit.

I don't tell the existance of this blog to any one of my colleagues. Not even PS who has been my closest friend and colleague. To those who have been following this blog should know that PS is the one who travel with me on my business trips to KL. In fact she has met Makandeh, AuntieYan, Wynn and a former male blogger. She knows I use the nick AuntyN, I used to tell her about those blogs I have visited, talked about funny stuff people write in their blogs etc. But I didn't tell her that I have a blog and the blog url.

One day out of my own carelessness, I used her PC to check something on the net. I was having connection problem with my office laptop, I wanted to be sure that, whether it was my laptop or for some reason I was blocked from surfing the net. (Don't get any ideas, hehehehe , if I want to surf the "forbidden" sites I might just do it at home, why smear my reputation at work right?) So in the end I sent my laptop to the IT dept for re-configuration. While I was at PS' PC I just could not tear myself away from looking into my blog. At the end of it, I was so careless as not to delete the history. Well, there you go, it was like, me asking PS to indirectly read my blog right? She saw it and quickly asked another colleague to go into the blogspot.

Later, PS came to tell me that she had "found" my blog and informed the other lady. I had her promise not to tell anymore colleague on the existence of my blog. She said she wouldn't and yes, she can be trusted. The other lady, whom PS had informed told her that, by reading my blog she now feels up close and personal with my everyday life, She feels that she knows me better, not just as a superior at work. In her word she said that, she feels closer to me. I am glad of that.

That was like months ago. Recently, again I was exposed. Another colleague (this time in the KL office) discovered my blog. AMZA has been blog hopping for some time. She has read my blog before, some of her friends read it too. She said she suspected it for some time already that it could be me, but she wasn't sure. But one of my entries, I think it was the entry which I was describing my activities in KL office that confirmed it. When she revealed that she knows the url, I told her to keep it as a secret from the other colleagues as well. I trust she is keeping the secret because so far no other person in this company has revealed to me that they have found my blog. Takut aku boss aku baca blog ni, karang kena pulak tutup blog tak semena-mena kan. Not that I have been writing about work or work related issues that much any way.

As for my other half, as most people called thier hubby. He was always asking what I was doing in front of the PC for a long time almost every nite. My answer, would always be "tak ada apa-apa". He knows that I am chatting with friends and Kak Long, he knows that I surf the net. I cannot say that he disapproved because, when I have problems with the network like the other day with the network card he would be the one who would take the trouble to bring the PC to the shop. Although he thinks that I am wasting a lot of my time being on the net, he cannot change my mind or habit. So, in my defence (konon ni lah nak kata, aku tak buang masa kat internet tu) I told him that I am writing on the net as a blogger like his nephew Javard. The only thing is I am still hiding the url from him. So far I am still lucky because he doesn't have the inclination to surf the internet. Kena dok pedo-pedo (kata orang utara, pedo= thread carefully) ni, so that he will be like that for a long time. Mana lah tahu terkenan dengan blogging pulak tu. For sure kena hi-jack PC setiap malam sebab sama-sama nak update blog, heheh. Ohh TIDAKKKKKK.

I am not telling NOT because I do NOT want to share this part of my life with him, but there are other reasons why. One of them of course, is the fact that I could no longer whine about him, hehehe, when I need to do that. Tak boleh nak mengumpat dah kan hehe, sebab nanti makin teruk dia merajuk, atau kena censor lah pulak. Lagi teruk nanti kut kena tutup terus sebab dia kata dia malu. So far he is OK with it, not knowing what I have written, I think he is just giving me the space to let off my angst once in a while.

In some cases I would say that the spouse should be told, you have to decide on that, because you would know your spouse better. As for me, I am not telling him just yet, maybe one day, I will show him an entry, so that if ever I were to be gone from this world before him he can try to rekindle the memories of our lives together thru the blog.

I am going to have a very BUSY week-end, so Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.