December 23, 2005

The Cat is Out Of the Bag

I have read Arena's entry about her indecision, whether to let her husband know about her blog. I didn't leave a comment there, but I know how she feels, on which step to take. If she doesn't tell him, what if he finds out that she has a blog, will he feel left out and hurt? What if she decides to let him know, will he be her biggest critic that may end up in her feeling uneasy to blog after that? I can't influence Arena or any other blogger for that decision because I my self have not told my hubby the url of my blog.

Let me digress a bit.

I don't tell the existance of this blog to any one of my colleagues. Not even PS who has been my closest friend and colleague. To those who have been following this blog should know that PS is the one who travel with me on my business trips to KL. In fact she has met Makandeh, AuntieYan, Wynn and a former male blogger. She knows I use the nick AuntyN, I used to tell her about those blogs I have visited, talked about funny stuff people write in their blogs etc. But I didn't tell her that I have a blog and the blog url.

One day out of my own carelessness, I used her PC to check something on the net. I was having connection problem with my office laptop, I wanted to be sure that, whether it was my laptop or for some reason I was blocked from surfing the net. (Don't get any ideas, hehehehe , if I want to surf the "forbidden" sites I might just do it at home, why smear my reputation at work right?) So in the end I sent my laptop to the IT dept for re-configuration. While I was at PS' PC I just could not tear myself away from looking into my blog. At the end of it, I was so careless as not to delete the history. Well, there you go, it was like, me asking PS to indirectly read my blog right? She saw it and quickly asked another colleague to go into the blogspot.

Later, PS came to tell me that she had "found" my blog and informed the other lady. I had her promise not to tell anymore colleague on the existence of my blog. She said she wouldn't and yes, she can be trusted. The other lady, whom PS had informed told her that, by reading my blog she now feels up close and personal with my everyday life, She feels that she knows me better, not just as a superior at work. In her word she said that, she feels closer to me. I am glad of that.

That was like months ago. Recently, again I was exposed. Another colleague (this time in the KL office) discovered my blog. AMZA has been blog hopping for some time. She has read my blog before, some of her friends read it too. She said she suspected it for some time already that it could be me, but she wasn't sure. But one of my entries, I think it was the entry which I was describing my activities in KL office that confirmed it. When she revealed that she knows the url, I told her to keep it as a secret from the other colleagues as well. I trust she is keeping the secret because so far no other person in this company has revealed to me that they have found my blog. Takut aku boss aku baca blog ni, karang kena pulak tutup blog tak semena-mena kan. Not that I have been writing about work or work related issues that much any way.

As for my other half, as most people called thier hubby. He was always asking what I was doing in front of the PC for a long time almost every nite. My answer, would always be "tak ada apa-apa". He knows that I am chatting with friends and Kak Long, he knows that I surf the net. I cannot say that he disapproved because, when I have problems with the network like the other day with the network card he would be the one who would take the trouble to bring the PC to the shop. Although he thinks that I am wasting a lot of my time being on the net, he cannot change my mind or habit. So, in my defence (konon ni lah nak kata, aku tak buang masa kat internet tu) I told him that I am writing on the net as a blogger like his nephew Javard. The only thing is I am still hiding the url from him. So far I am still lucky because he doesn't have the inclination to surf the internet. Kena dok pedo-pedo (kata orang utara, pedo= thread carefully) ni, so that he will be like that for a long time. Mana lah tahu terkenan dengan blogging pulak tu. For sure kena hi-jack PC setiap malam sebab sama-sama nak update blog, heheh. Ohh TIDAKKKKKK.

I am not telling NOT because I do NOT want to share this part of my life with him, but there are other reasons why. One of them of course, is the fact that I could no longer whine about him, hehehe, when I need to do that. Tak boleh nak mengumpat dah kan hehe, sebab nanti makin teruk dia merajuk, atau kena censor lah pulak. Lagi teruk nanti kut kena tutup terus sebab dia kata dia malu. So far he is OK with it, not knowing what I have written, I think he is just giving me the space to let off my angst once in a while.

In some cases I would say that the spouse should be told, you have to decide on that, because you would know your spouse better. As for me, I am not telling him just yet, maybe one day, I will show him an entry, so that if ever I were to be gone from this world before him he can try to rekindle the memories of our lives together thru the blog.

I am going to have a very BUSY week-end, so Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.


Anonymous said... i the 1st one??? no comments yet?? keh keh keh.. pe kene ngan kau ni cL?? mabuk BLOG ke???

btw, i hv no intention mao buat BLOG for myself. reason? takot terkantoi ngan suku sakat, kaban belayan, kawan2, kazem mazen dan yg paling parah....budak2 opis/staff!!! in my real life, ppl see me as a very humble & baik baik gitu...hehehe. tapi ini tidak bermakna bloggers jahat, NOOOOO...itu bkn maksud saya. cuma...ppl wud never expect saya 'NAKAL tahap langit ke-7' spt alam siber.

btw, esok saya bakal jumpa 1 blogger....nerbes gak nih!!!

Anonymous said...

la..An..Sekalitu gamaknya dia dah tau..saja-saja buat tak tau..kot kot mana-mana satu yang anonymoustu hubby AN.Ha..ha..

Tapi as I see it.Your entry tak da-la irrelevent.Tak da menda nak risau.

AuntyN said...

cL : Adoi!!! Nakal ke kami ni semua? Ingat kan siuman je ni, hehe.
Apa nak nervous jumpa blogger tu. Kat elok tu silaturrahim terjalin melalui PO-sitive blogging ni :-)

easylady : Kalau dia lah anoynamous commentor tu, balik dah kena sound dah tu. Jadi masih lah safe rasanya tu. hehehe

Sya said...

AUNTYN.. one of my colleague do read my blog, dulu friends in my community did not know that I have a blog.. but after telling them I felt that they are closer to me. Kawan sorang dua yg tau.. yg posessive tak bagi tau sebab nanti banyak tanya.. but my children? dia orang tak tahu.. they know about their mom's blog but they do not know the url.. maybe kalau mereka dah dewasa i let them read.

Sometime ada masanya we need one private place we call our own ..

AuntyN said...

Sya : Ada cakap jugak dgn some former classmates, but takk tahu diorang baca ke tak. Anak2 semua tahu. Diorang memang ada baca.
You are right about a private space to call our own tu :-)

Bergen said...

Interesting entry. You can't share everything about you, not even with someone closest to you. I guess this is a good thing because you have the right to keep something for yourself. Never thought about it that way. In marriage, there are secrets too. Thank you for this entry, AuntyN.

Happy new year, ma'am.

Jo Kontan said...


Very Interesting post !.

Few weeks ago I told Maam I had a Blog, she was indifferent. Told her there are thousands of them, Once u find something that's clicked to ur heart, you simply couldn't stop.

Bit by bit she's hooked.

Now, one of our interesting bedside topic at home is. "Udah baca .....ker"

Hopefully this will last.

But, Remaining anonymous is one part of the thrill.

Belog membawa kebahagiaaan,. mm Yes ?

MA said...

The Brood knows about the blog. Their only grouse - why Mak Andeh Ma????

The kids do not read my blog - they were not interested. But I showed Abang a few entries I wrote about him, and he read the comments from readers (for his birthday entry), I can see that he has become closer to me and more understanding our single-parented situation.

They however have been sworn to secrecy :-)


AuntyN said...

bergen : everyone need some space. I don't think tha by NOT telling it will affect my marriage. But one need to use your own discretion on what to tell and what to hold back. Some things will backfire if you keep it as a secret and it will ruin the relationship. On the other hand, I have to be "OK" as well if my hubby decides to keep something from me. We DO NOT have many secrets from each other anyway.

TJ : That's really is POSITIVE Blogging tu. InsyaAllah berkekalan.

MA : they are my critics as well. Sometimes I get complaint. Mama, apasal tulis macam tu, awat bubuh gambar tu, spelling tak betul lah mama etc, etc. Yes, they are also sworn to secrecy, hehehe esp from baba.
They also know some bloggers name as well. Like the other day when I said we are meeting a male blogger friend they ask "sapa ma?" I said "Po" " Ohhhh!!!" :-), :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi AN,

U did not let the cat out of the cat, the bag tue yg jenis can see inside one ehhehehe..


AuntyN said...

AMZA : pheww, finally!!! So this is what it takes to bring you out hehehe...

Arena said...

Aunty N
Hahaha, I did it.. Told Ed already. He was indifferent. Or maybe ke knew i had it all this while but refuse to admit yang dia dok sniffing inside my notebook. ahahha.. we'll see, as for now he didn't say a word yet..Pi kat blog arena lah aunty utk baca his reaction.phewww..

Anonymous said...

AN : boleh tahan gak nakal ler but i enjoy reading those entries. haiya....cL kuat meraban kat blog org ler. btw, saya mula gila blog hopping sejak July this yr. tu yg sakai sket tuu...hehehheee...

p/s: sahih flight blogger yg aku tunggu2 nih delay!!! ke dia kena tinggal belon???? ohhhh plss....

Sunfloraa said...

AUntyN, this is a good topic! I may even blog about it myself!

Anonymous said...

la..ingat kot abg Z dah tau..rupanya dia masih tak tau..
baguih la dia kak N..

Ni said...

auntyN, saya buka satu blog for hubby but he never bothered to read/update his blog. dia tau saya ada blog, url blog saya ada simpan dlm PC together with url blog2 org lain tapi dia tak pernah tanya which blog is mine, i guess dia tak pernah baca pun any of the blog tapi dia sendiri kuat juga main intenet- suka posting kat forum2 pasal kereta

AuntyN said...

Arena : Good for you :-).

cL : nakal sikit2 je :-)

sunflora : OK, I will go and read when you do. Ahlan wasahlan!!!

atiz : entah2 dia buat-buat tak tahu kut hehehe.

CikNi : Tak pa lah kalau dia tak nak baca walau dia tahu. Pasal blog dia tu entah2 belum dapat ilham apa nak tulis kut :-).

Anonymous said...

Macam kenai ja.... :-)

AuntyN said...

uncle z : ye ke kenal? :-)

Ordinary Superhero said...

I did tell Wife abt me having a blog but she did not enquired further. May be when I fix the home PC I will tell the ur.

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