June 24, 2005

Habis Manis Sepah Di Buang - Part 1

Note : This is a very long entry, so to be read at your own risk of "wasting" your time.

I am actually still very , very lazy. Malas sesangat ni. Maybe it is also due to the "time" of the month. The PMS factor. But then at the same time I know I have some obligation to the readers of this blog. They frequented my blog, either passing thru to other blogs or they came to read. I should be thankful that they keep on coming. Meaning at least there are people who find my blog of reading quality. If not, why should they come. I read and some times re-read my entries and others. I do not really think that what I have written are really that good. I am not trying to get praises for this statement, but, compared to others, my writing is just normal to me. Tak lah bagus sangat, tambah-tambah kalau compare dengan makcik-makcik lain tu kan. Sapa lagi kalau bukan Makcik Blurr, Makcik Pencen tu pun boleh tahan, Makcik Gomen yang dah bertahun ada blog, makcik yang ada Brood tu atau yang baru aku kenai Makcik-san. Dan lagi sorang makcik kembara yang aku tak tau apa status blog dia tu. Entah apa-apa lah yang aku tulis tu kadang2 aku fikir balik.

Enough, enough, before you turn your readers away or make them vommit blood (muntah kedarah kata orang utara, maksud nya dah lain tu). As at now, I am still not so sure what I am going to write, I have one or two in my mind, actually. Hmmmm, but I think I am going to leave you guys with a trailer for the week-end. And please also take note especially to OOD, Tenah and Ely ( *pssst* depa ni kalau tak bagi notis nak mai sebat aku pulak tu, susah sungguh ada stalkers ni, hehehe). Jangan marah no, saja gurau2 je ni. The note is girls, I am going to be away for the week-end. Tu baba dah tak tahan rindu kat Kak Long tu, dah tak tau dah berapa kali dok ajak pi visit Kak Long ni. So I WILL NOT be posting over the week-end, even Monday OK!!!

Let me start my sister’s story here.

My little sister started work as soon as she finished her SPM. Un-like me she did not further her study. As years goes by, through rank and file and also good performances, she had been promoted. She did change her work place once before to get to a better position. She is currently an Asst. Manager, For someone who has no degree, I thinks she does well. If you see me and her she seems to be more spunky than me. Me, probably the lady like type, "pijak semut tak mati type". Orang baik lah kata kan ni hehehe. She is tall and pretty, her face if you compare to me a little bit more fiece while I look softer (cewah, puji diri memanjang ni, hehehe). But as Tenah said my voice is very tegas, straight to the point type of person. In the beginning she used to ride a motorbike to work. I am scared of riding anything with 2 wheels, (told you I am so lembik one!!), but you can give anything to drive on 4 wheels, lori pun aku dah pernah drive tau…

So it was not very surprised that she was courted and got married before I did. I was still studying and her beau was eager to tie the knot. Even, so willing to give me a "persalinan" for the "langkah bendul". They have been dating for a while, the man (now my BIL) had been sending her home from work, almost everyday. The whole kampung was talking about them. At that time if you were always fetching and sending anak dara orang, the kampung folks were really concerned.

So to cut the story short, they got married, and soon after she started her family. Almost every year she was pregnant. They have 5 children, 3 sons and 2 daughters. This year marks their 21 years of marriage and I think she has been happy ONLY a fraction of that 21 years. Perhaps the first few years of her marriage were bearable. Although we know her husbands attitude, he is so egoistic, he thinks he is the one and only one who is right, panas baran etc, she seems to be able to bear it and try so hard to cover things up. We know there had been squables but, it is normal to any marriage right? For the last few years, we have seen that the squables are getting more frequent and violent.

I don’t really know exactly when their marriage turned stormy, or what was the trigger point, but it is clear that the 3rd child is the reason. According to my sis, her husband showered so much love to this boy when he was young, but as he grows older and more stubborn I guessed, he seems to have fallen out of his father’s grace. My nephew, W, (very similar to Syazuan, the birthday boy today) is almost 18. He is just 3 weeks younger than my Kak Long. In fact we (my sis and me) were spending our confinement together at our mom’s house with the "makcik tungku" each. The boy is, somehow is not like his other siblings, he is naughtier, not really the book worm type like the others. The type who is always late for school, but still go to school, who is the one the disipline teacher will call when there is something wrong. But odd enough he doesn’t smoke and eventhough he did not study, he still passed his SPM recently. His result is definitely not as good as his older brother and sister, but OK lah. He is almost 6 foot tall, big size, eats a lot ( you will have 2 buy him 2 packets of Nasi Ayam or 2 pcs of burger to satisfy his hunger if you want to belanja him).

My BIL wanted W to toe the line (BIL’s) like his other children. But W, is not that type, if he doesn’t like to do anything you just can’t make him do it. In my eyes he is a good boy, just a bit rebellious, but still with proper guidance can be a better person. He has friends and although he always hang out with them until almost midnite but he is not the one to be involved with the wild motor races (lumba haram tu) or get into mischief. Quite normal for a boy that age don't you think?

His father and grandfather accused him of always being in bad company but, when he told them he wasn’t they did not believe him. Until today they don’t. When her husband refused to buy for the boy a motor bike, my sister bought for him. That motor bike has since become one of the reasons for their quarrels. Her reason for buying is because she wanted him to go to school on time, and also because in fairness and equality between siblings. Husband bought the other 2 older children a bike each and refused to let W ride those bikes even if they were not in use.
As days goes by things are getting more sour. BIL now refused to accept that W is his responsibility, no food for him ( he sometimes said that the food he bought is HARAM for the son, right within the earshot of the son), no pocket money, nothing. He has not spoken to the boy since he was 16. BIL, even locked the gate and house doors not permitting the son to get in. My sister will opened the locked at the risk of her husband’s wrath. True enough when they quarreled, he will bring out all these things. My sister argued, what happened if out of desperation W would do something stupid by sleeping at the road side and being caught by the police? Wouldn’t that brought shame to them? What makes matters worst is the grandparents are also not treating him well. W and his siblings from when they were small were taken care of by the gandmother and it is a wonder how they can treat the other 4 with so much love and treat him differently.

When W was met with an accident recently, as he was on his way to get something to eat, a drunk man hit him with his car. He didn’t dare to say anything to his grandfather, knowing full well his mom will be in trouble he just endured the pain. The bruises turned bad and he was down with fever, then only the secret was out. Because of the late in getting treatment his bruise turned into puss and he was hospitalised for 3 weeks. BIL, refused to see his son, refused to pay for his bill, refused to "lend" money to my sis for the bill, eventhough she knows well that he has money, he just said that he has no money. BIL is the "genggam tak tiris" type. BIL even cursed the poor boy. He said he coldn't care less if he dies, I couldn’t just believe my ears for this.

So, my sister was still trying to patch up her marriage, she did everything she possibly could, she prayed and she prayed but, yet nothing came. But that does not deter her from praying. I could understand her attitude, she quarelled, husband called her names, told her she is derhaka, refused to accept her hands when she asked for forgiveness, yet she still hoped and prayed that he will change. She called me so many times sobbing while pouring her heart out to me, and yet she still stayed on. I think finally her patience just run out or that Divine intervention finally is taking place. 2 weeks ago after a few times of being challenged by the husband to report to the Pejabat Ugama, she went to lodge the report.

Prior to that she sent me an SMS :

Aku gaduh dgn laki aku lagi, Dia x ada hati kat aku dah. Aku ni kurang ajar, derhaka, celaka. Dia x ampun dosa kat dia. Kalau aku p pejabat ugama dia nak cera aku. Aku x tau nak buat apa. Dia dok ungkit kisah lama.

My reply :

Awat nak tunggu kalau dah x ada hati. U kena buat keputusan apa nak buat. Dia tak kan berubah walau sampai mati.

She called the following day and we talked. I told her the same thing. She had now to make the decision what she wanted to do with her marriage. It was clear that he will not change for the better. Kalau asyik dok cari kesalahan orang tanpa tengok diri sendiri, macam mana nak berubah. I told her, if she decides that she wants to stay on, then she will have to endure, no more complaint. But if she thinks that she wants to start a new life she can still do it. She is 45 years old and still very attractive, she has a career, she will not starve. Her husband said he will take care of 4 of his children and will leave the "anak celaka" in her care, so what is stopping her then. When she came to our house later the same thing was told to her by my hubby. My hubby even said to her, he was getting a bit fed-up of this on-off drama that my sister and her husband was pulling. Sat OK sat not OK, dok main jongkang jongkit macam tu. She went home almost at midnight, he husband was in KL at that time.

So she summed up her courage and lodge a report with the Pejabat Ugama. She did also called and talked to a lady counsellor who refer her to the Ustaz in charge. He listened and adviced that she put up a formal report so that they can call both of them for counselling.
Her husband received the report on Monday morning the following week. To our surprised he went to see my hubby at his office. Hubby was having a discussion when someone said that there was a gentleman wanted to see him urgently. The first thing he said to my hubby was " This is most shameful thing to have happened in my entire life. My wife dah malu kan I ni" Hubby looked at the report and replied "Why, malu, there are only 3 people who know about this, your wife , the ustaz and you. If you don’t go and tell the world no body will know." Well now thanks to me the whole world knows hehehe.

I will continue next week OK, Sorry for this is such a long story.


WRA said...

hari tu tumpang lalu...sekarang dah melekat...hehehehe..

rasa nak maraaaah je bila baca entry ni....kenapa laaaa org jantan sorang ni cam tu?

Looking forward to part 2.

anedra said...

this is really sad Aunty.

Your nephew tu is only 18. The father treats him as though there's no hope in him, although really, it's not the end of the road kan? And how can a father do such a thing to his own son?? This man sounds as though he is totally heartless!!

Your sister is doing the right thing. You gave her the right advise.

Anonymous said...


Really + eagerly looking fwd to part 2,.

Hopefully,. can learn sumtin'.


Anonymous said...

Hmm... tak sabo nak tunggu for part 2. Baca untuk ambik iktibar.. I learn alot from ur writing.. thanks....and thanks for the bday wish (kat blog delinn)

Ely said...

auntyN, aiyoh, sempat pulak u mentioned my name in ur blog hehe. cayang auntyN. camnih, tak jadi sebat hehe.

sigh, this story reminds me of when i was going through divorce, 6 years ago. whatever the reason of the divorce is, if she decided to go through it, she needs your fullest support. she will reach the low stage and would want to have u around her all the time.

being a mom, memang anak semua disayang sama rata, takder yang lebih dari yang lain. hati ibu mana yang tak kecewa kalau suami tak sayang anak kita kan?

will miss u auntyN..come back soon!

shidah said...

kita hidup ni tak leh sombong2 sgt kan auntyN....esok esok time kita susah/sakit, tah2 anak yg kita benci tu la yang akan jaga, basuh berak kita etc.... tuhan tu kan maha adil...

Anonymous said...

how come ur BIL tu jadi despise sebegitu rupa dgn anak sendiri since 16.. 16 tu kire berhingus lagi.. wow.. astonishing story la auntyN. kalau tengok reason yang ade utk BIL tu despise, cam senget je pemikirannya.

tambah dgn the way ur BIL treating ur sistah like dat.. hermm.. he deserve la anything bad that come out of this. very pathetic lah.

Anonymous said...

hm ni belajarq dari Kak Teh la ni dok bagi org tertunggu2 the ending of the story ( I hope there is an ending). Jenuh la tunggu sampai Selasa ni...

abt malu yr BIL tu, ooh kalau Pej Agama tau, dia malu; yg dia dok layan bini teruk2 tu dia tak sedarq malu? Meaning its ok to mistreat yr wife as long as others don't know, what kind of mentality is this? And he calls himself a man?

OOD said...

Aunty N,
berdarah-darah i reading this. My heart goes to the boy. Alangkah sedihnya kalau bapak benci macam tu. The father tu dah kira gone case lah, rebung dah jadi buluh, buluh dah jadi meriam. But the boy is still very much boleh liok lentuk dielokkan lagi. The father, kita menjenik (lastik batu besar macam zaman dulu2) dia.

My bro was once memeningkan kepala jugak, sampai cikgu dia kata kalau dia lulus spm cikgu sanggup makan kasut (surprisingly, he did very well in spm and the cikgu masih tak makan kasut).

I sent him to a summer camp by ustaz hassan yang popular tu. Kem keluarga bahagia or something kat Langat. Quite effective jugak. After 5 days kot, pi ambik dia kat hutan tu, terus terpa nangis mintak ampun and berubah perangai.

And aunty N nak turun KL ye? Tell me the plans. We can meet, i can tepuk you buat ubat malas. Pengerasnya lempuk.

Leyla Shuri said...

Nama Makcik-san dah termasuk kat sini...jadi makcik-san tak boleh duk diam2 lagi.

N, minggu baru lepas ni kan...ada kes kat Jepun. One boy (15) smashed the father's head buat macam pumpkin. Boy tu kata bapa dia tak respek pendapat boy's itu, bapa dia selalu merendah2kan dan memperbodohkan the boy's feeling. So, apa the boy buat? Dia ambil kayu, belasah kapla bapa dia.
Nasih baik BIL orang Islam, anak dia orang islam, kalau orang Jepun...dah lama kepla BIL jadi labu pecah! Adat samurai lah tu, terbawak2!
Moral of my komen? Tuhan masih nak selamatkan KAPLA BIL!

selendangbiru said...

auntyn.. sungguh berdebar2 citer ni nih. tak sabaq nak tunggu aunty cont. kesian la kat anak dia tu aunty. sedih sedih sedih!!!!

semoga Allah tabahkan hati ur sis n her son dan lembutkan hati suami dia. Amin

wynn said...

N, cek dah pindah blog baru dah hampir sebulan dah. Awat tak mai singgah rumah baru. Cek bagi alamat nye, hang mai no.. http://startout.blogdrive.com

Pasai ur sis and kids. U just need to be there to listen, when she wanna talk/cry. Sekali sekala bawak depa sumer2 jalan2.. make them feel they still have family and can be happier without the dad. Klu boleh jgn pisahkan anak2. Bela sumer2. Insya-allah.. rezeki ada dimana2.

Pasai ur nephew. I hv a fren.. serupa cam tu. Tatau pasai apa bapak dia tak suka dia. Sanggup disown anak darah daging sendiri. Everything pun, mak and nenek dia yg support.

Dunia sekarang dah kacau bilau.

Anonymous said...

erkkk...macam tuh punya bapak pun ada?? If I am in your sister's shoes, I will leave him alone..tapikan, saya rasa adik aunty mesti dok pikiaq pasai anak2 dia yang 4 orang lagi tuh, sbb BIL said he will take the other 4 away..being a mom, kita takkan sanggup berpisah ngan anak2..

apapun, tak sabaq nak tunggu part II..

Anonymous said...

baru tahu malu..dengan tuhan tak reti pulak dia malu yer..

Ewok said...

mmm.. panasnya hati baca this citer

Anonymous said...

AuntyN, tau tak Kak Safiah tu url dia words from an unspoken mom, check joe's blog

Anonymous said...

Kak N, ur sis need full support from everybody.. Although my heart goes to ur nephew, but have anyone ever knew what is going on in ur BIL head? Wonder... why he treat his own son like that. Did the son reflects himself during that age??? InsyaAllah... dgn izinNya, hopefully ur sis will get through it in the most best way..

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