Warning : A VERY long entry, you may be wasting your time reading this. I would like also to inform you that in order to protect the privacy of our family especialy that of my sister the names (initials) in this entry have been changes. My intention is to relate a situation that may have been familiar to many poeple, just as a lesson learnt. Thank you for your comments and opinion.
We arrived from KL yesterday (Monday) afternoon. My other 3 girls "ponteng" their schools yerterday. At first we wanted to come back on Sunday night after sending Kak Long back to her college, but Kak Long of course, wanted us to stay longer and since her class started at 9.00 am Monday morning, we still could send her back early this morning just in time for class. And that what we just did, we left for cyberjaya from sis-in-law place at about 8.00 am and after sending Kak Long back to her hostel we started our way home. She seems happy and settled down. I am happy to see that she is already settled. So, I think she is going to be staying there until she complete her study. Right now, we have to figure out ways and means to meet the demand of her requirement. It's going to be lots of money needed for her. PTPTN is still not definite yet because of the change in the policy recently. If she is not elligible for the PTPTN then we have to find other ways. We will find a way, Insyaallah.
So to continue my sister's story, here goes another long entry. If you guys feel bored reading this, please don't stay. I hope that, by writing this down I am not seen to have shown to all my family dirty linen. My intention is just to share something with all. Sesuatu yang boleh menjadi sedikit pengajaran kepada semua. If anyone amongst you who think that I should not blog about this, I am open to your constructive critics. Please be honest and sincere.
To continue, my BIL went to see my hubby at work. He poured his heart out to my hubby. He cried according to my hubby. My hubby called me almost immediately after he left him. Both of us were prepared to believe his side of the story and to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because this is the first time we were able to hear the opposite side of the story. So this was what he told my hubby.
1. My sister does not cook. He cooks all the meals. He buys all the fresh fish and seafood directly from the fishermen (from Kuala Muda), unlike all of us who buy from the market. How fresh can that be, when one buy from the market ?
2. My sis does not wash his clothes eversince they were married. She doesn't iron his clothes either.
3. My sis always talk back at him (menjawab lah tu, dengan nada suara yang tinggi). My hubby said, that is our characteristics, he told BIL that I also has got a high pitch voice. Something common in all of us. Memang kuat sora kami ni, kalau bercakap. Tak kan tak tau kut dah lama kawin tu, hehehe.
4. My sis always insist that he does not provide nafkah, while he buys all the food for the home.
5. He paid for my sis old car (Kancil) so that belongs to him so when he sold it because my sis want to buy a new car, he should get the money not my sis.
6. My sis is so stubborn, why she wants to buy a big, not any smaller car like Kenari. She just wants to berlagak, since she was promoted. Why not use a smaller car?
7. Eversince she was promoted she did not respect him as her hubby. Tak dengar cakap, BIL cakap jangan beli motor besar, my sis beli jugak untuk W. Bila dah beli suruh jual, tak nak jual.
8. BIL sold his first house and use the money to buy their current house, so why does my sis
keep on insisting that the house is hers.
9. My sis is the cause of him not talking to his mother. Reason my sis told his mother that he was fooling around with another lady. To this my hubby adviced BIL that he should ask for his mother's forgiveness. To let bygone be bygone and talk to his mother. He must get the "restu" from his mother, for his live to be blissful.
10. BIL doesn't respect and doesn't like my eldest brother (Abang Long) he said that my abang long took my sis to bomoh to "bomoh" him. My hubby counter act this by saying that, from what he obserbed in my family, my abang long is not the type to see bomoh for anything. He has can vouch for my abang long on that. Boleh tahan hubby aku ni no?
The list goes on. He did add that he no longer has any "hati" for my sis and he can let her go free. He said that she would be in trouble if he divorced her as he has money to support himself and 4 of his children while my sis may be in trouble. I personally doublt it. She will not be penniless and we will see that she will have enough to eat. It is his opinion anyway. I think the table will turn on him.
When I heard these, I told my hubby, maybe he was right, my sis is not perfect but why, wait until now? Why not resolve matters at home together at the beginning of their marriage. Determine who would do what and what to expect. Why wait until after 21 years? My hubby agreed. So we thought this was the case of miscommunication. I had mixed feeling whether to tell my sis or not, but later I did tell her. My intention was to advise her, to make sure she corrects her actions so that they could be together again. Below my sis's reply to her hubby's "accusations".
1. In 1 week, he cooks only 2, or 3 times. Those other time when she cooks, those do not count is it?
2. She admits she does not wash his clothes. This is because she used to when they were first married, he re-wash the clothes she washed. He does his clothes immediately washed as soon as he comes back, hand wash and not using washing machine. My sis recently try to wash her husband's clothes and again the same treatment received. So why waste her effort and energy.
Ironing, according to her, she ironed almost a cupboard full of clothes, yet the one she does not iron, he will want to wear it. He will take the one she doen't iron to wear. To me this is simply trying to find fault in her.
3. My sis said admitted she menjawab, everytime he said thing degradatory to her, she will defend herself, does that constitute menjawab, derhaka?
4. On the nafkah. He is the man of the house. It is his responsible to provide the food, clothing etc for all of them. Yes, he buys the BASIC food, rice, sugar, cooking oil. And that's about all. If they go to the supermarket, in one trolley full of things, he will only pay for those items. The rest my sis will have to pay. The other thing he will only buy foodstuff that he likes to eat, he couldn't careless if anyone wants to eat or not, I buy them, you can eat or you go starving. The whole family knows he is so kedekut.
5. According to my sis, yes, he paid for the downpayment for her kancil. RM 4K, but all the monthly installments were paid by her. Recently when she sold the car to buy a new car, he took from her RM5K, so does the Kancil still belong to him?
6. My sis just doesn't like kenari. She is paying for the car so she has got the right to choose. She is your wife, if she looks good shouldn't he feel proud as well? He has never let my sis even drive his car. He needs to look good but not the wife, pure jealousy I think.
7. My sis, kept telling us that so many times she would hold out her hands to ask for forgiveness and blessings from her husband, but, he will just pushed her hands away. There was one time he even had his foot just an inch away from her face. He pushed her so hard at one time she fell and her back hit the steps. She had bruises for that fell.
8. Same case with the car, the house he paid the down payment she paid the installment, taken her EPF to pay all and he insist that she got no right to insist for the house.
9. Yes, it was my sis who told his mother that he was flirting with another girl. She discovered that a supposedly Langkawi trip had turned out to be a Phuket trip with a lady's SMS of sweet nothings in his phone. She had no one to turn to but to inform MIL so as to advise him. He was angry at my sis and his mom for reprimanding him. Until today according to my sis BIL will go to his parents house but don't speak to his mother. My sis is getting on well with her MIL.
10. If my sis does go to bomoh, wouldn't you think that he is now the kind of husband who is so afraid of his wife? Jenis yang menikus tu, yang setiap bulan dapat gaji, serah bulat-bulat semua gaji dia kat wife dia. Nak keluar dengan kawan pun kena mintak permission dari bini dia?
I will let you guys judge first. I am sure you have some opinion. Sorry again this ia a very long entry.
Still there is no ending to this case. There will not be any part 3, my conclusion is simple, he is so egoistic, he will not change, marriage is a responsibility of both parties to make it work. I know my sis has her limitations but communications is vital to ensure happiness in the family. I have no idea how this drama going to end, but, I would rather see my sister go free, to start a new life than be unhappy with someone who doesn't respect her as a wife.
Probably the man will be angry at me, for bruising their egos. Whatever, if there are some damage done here, I will later retrack the entry.
I am trying to just potray something for the benefit of others.