May 26, 2005

Jealousy

I am sure you all find the title either revolting or intriguing. Or are you expecting me to tell you that I am a jealous person or my hubby is a jealous person? Sorry to disappoint you, but I am going to write as in general. To some extend please take this with a tongue in the cheek. But if "kena batang hidung" be a sport and laugh at yourself. Because there is a saying, "We have not grown up until we can laugh at ourselves"

Sometimes, I thought to myself "Aku ni tak pernah jeles ke?". So far I am fine, I have never been struck with the green eyed monster to the limit of wanting to kill someone or disfigure them or damage their material things like scratching their new car. But have I really never been jealous of my hubby, no that's really not true either. Have I not seen him jealous of someone I know, that's not true either. The only thing is that our jealousy is stemmed from the feeling of love for each other and the trust we have for each other prevent us from the "cemburu buta" type.

There are many types of jealousies, isn't it. Most jealousies have been associated with marital relationship. I had a case of a secretary of a General Manager where I was working, she went to "serang" the hubby's girlfriend. She even slapped her in the face when she found out that the hubby was going out with this girl. She said she was provoked. I spoke to her and told her it was not a wise thing to do, but since it was done, she could not retracted her action. Of course she regretted it later but "nasi dah jadi bubur kan?" The girl's brothers threatened to beat up her husband in revenge. At least it stopped her husband from marrying the girl !!!. Please don't think that I am recommending this method to anyone.

In the case of my sister, the husband was jealous of her higher income. She is an assistant manager while he is just an officer. He was not promoted because he is the "panas baran" type of person. He was "famous" for his temper so at one time no branch wanted to accept him. Now at any "given" moment he would blame my sister for all the family problems, be it his third son's disciplinary problem or his eldest son's failure to complete his first year at the university. He blames my sister for giving the children extra money or buy the son a motor bike. Can't find the rational in his actions because they are your children too if you cannot meet eye to eye with them, it may be because you have not earned their respect for you as a father.

I am sure you are now asking, is she, AuntyN, is for real that she didn't feel any jealousy. I have moments when I do feel jealous. My blood colour is red too not pure white like Mahsuri. I remember once upon a time when I did feel a bit jealous with all the attention my hubby was showing to his mother. This was very long time ago when I was a young bride. After a while I know that I should not feel that way because the son's responsibility is mother first and wife second.

Then come his passion for plants. I was really feel hurt when he always tell me to take care of all the plants whenever he goes outstation. His last word will not be, "Yang, please take care of yourself, I love you" I think I will be "pengsan" if I hear those words from him whenever he goes outstation. His last word would be, "Please MAKE sure you water the plant twice a day. I'll check on them when I get back" Oh YES!!, the first he will do before he enters the house is to check if any one of the plants have wilted leaves. I used to play truant once or twice, meaning, if he goes on Sunday, and due back on the following Friday. I will make sure that I water the plants on Thursday 2 x a day. Other days, just once. Oh, what do you expect, interrogation time as soon as he discover his durian seedling was dead. Me, so innocently say, I did water the plants (true!), I already saw the plant wilted lah on the first day you went, a little white lie to save my skin. Hehehe.

In the end I felt silly feeling jealous over something like that, it wasn't the plants fault anyway, they could not get watered by themselves if I don't do that. Nowadays even with the maid, I do water them too and he does that too on top of what we have done. So, it justified for me to feel a little jealous over the plants, right?

For him, whenever I asked him if he feels jealous, he will deny it. But I think he does a little. When we were at USM, I remember, as I was walking down the Minden Hill to get to the main road to wait for a bus, a car pulled over with 2 lecturers in it. They gave me lift home. I didn't know them but they were kind enough to give me a lift to where I was staying. Although I professed innocent that I did not thumb a lift but he didn't speak to me for days. I told him next time he had to fetch me if he didn't want a repeat performance. But still, "No I am not jealous". Or when I asked him to go to dinner together with me with Malcolm my friend in the UK, he refused but he put up an acid face for the rest of the evening. I usually can detect the jealousy but, Man!!!, why do they ever want to deny such emotion. Is it a degrading feeling for one to feel a little jealous. I don't think so, as long as it is not the damaging type. Or what we Malay terms as "Cemburu Buta".

There are times when we are jealous of other people's good fortune. Usually, we womenfolk are said to be jealous of our neighbours who bought a new settee or a big plasma TV then we would urge our husbands to buy the same just in order to compete, regardless whether we need them or we can afford them in the first place. Of course lah, if the neighbour is the type who likes to "tayang" definitely you may be also be strucked by the green-eyed devil. Do we still have this? Now in our society? I hope not since we are now so busy trying to earn a better living we may no longer have the time to compete with our neighbour's plama 42 inch TV or the new settee. Maybe it could still happen. Someone say I am too naive, maybe I am....

For the menfolk, I am sure there are some guys out there who would be buying the latest handphone or a PDA, or what ever else.....with all the latest features. If your friend has one, "kecur air liur" when you see him "tayang" to you that. You can't wait until payday to get something better, can you?

Why do well fall prey to this emotion? I believe we are being borned with that in order for us to use for positive re-enforcement like, we should feel jealous to those who are better than us in their worldly goods so that we strive harder to get equal or better. Or to those who are better than us in their amalan we should strive to be better to gain Allah's blessing.

Last but not least.......

The most recent jealousy attack that I suffered was not so many days ago. This was when the 2 bloggers went dating in the DC. Oh no, you guys don't ever get any wrong idea. I was jealous because this person was able to meet with this person. I was partially responsible for that meeting but I was jealous not in the evil way, it was just envy, the fact that, I wanted to be there with them at that time. But, if I was there it would be "kacau daun", three is a crowd right?
I am happy that it happened and the "pujuk" and convincing did work afterall. The rest is history now, it was a very significant meeting for both. Despite being envious, I am happy. I know one day, Insyaallah, I will meet up with her. The other person you can never tell. I will leave that to fate. Insyaallah.

So, come let me know whether as a person you are a jealous person? When was the last time you ever feel that emotion?

I am going to LOVE this, hehehehehe.

37 comments:

stillconfuse said...

i pernah jealous when i see Helmi so manja dgn maknya. baring2 kat riba, picitkan kepala Helmi. also masa baru-baru kawin...hehehe. so silly of me!

i pernah jealous masa dapat 1st baby. helmi balik kerja tak terus tengok babynya, sebaliknya dia pergi layan anak sedara dia dulu.

i feel jealous bila i rasa helmi lebihkan tumpuan pada familynya. maybe sebab family i jauh, tu yang i dengki tu...

jealous dengan perempuan lain? tak pernah. dgn s, that's not jealous, sumting else yg susah nak explain.

CikNi said...

jeles? takkkk cikni tak jeles

takkkk cikni ok je.....

takkkkk

penulis amatur said...

I pernah jealous/kecik ati/etc etc kat hubby when in our first year of marriage dia xnak buka puasa dgn i..instead dia nak buka puasa dgn his mom kat rumah...

I pernah jugak tanya dia soalan yang lahirnya dari perasaan jelaous. Masatu i tengah pregnant, I tanya dia " Bila this baby lahir definitely you akan syg this baby more compare to me right???" but dia deny it. I told him " Lelaki selalunya akan lebih sayangkan anak daripada isteri sendiri. Admit it....it's fact."

Tapi sekarang dah 3 tahun kahwin I dah faham dan xakan jealous atas sebab2 bodoh macam tu lagi....hehehehe...

Sorry aunty komen panjang sngt...tak niat pun nak take over..:-)

atiza said...

Baru dua hari lepas mintak H teman pegi bakery. Dia park seberang jalan. "tunggu dalam kereta ke nak teman ni?" saya tanya. "pegi la sendiri" H kata. "Takpe kalau tak nak teman. Nanti A carik orang lain teman, baru tahu!". Keluar jer dari bakery, H tegak tunggu kat depan pintu bakery..hehehe...

fruit said...

Jelous??? Mesti ada....
Salah satunya masa hubby cerita pasal kisah cintanya yg tak jadi dgn jiran belakang rumah dia . Kekadang balik raya terserempak juga...jelous...jelous tapi cuba control supaya tak nampak jelous.

Puteri said...

mahsuri tu bukan ada darah putih. katanya, sbb dia masa tu tgh susu badan kan baby dia. so, diaorg tikam tang situ, kuar lah 'darah' putih.

d'arkampo said...

err...esok bagi komen boleh?

nak balik pikir2 dulu nih..

Bukan senang nak buat ayat power..

he he he

AuntyN said...

Anne : Ramai jugak yang jeles macam aunty rupanya.

CikNi : Denial mode ke tu?

Ed : Tak pe, tak pe, lagi panjang lagi aunty suka.

Atiz : Hehehe, rasanya tak jalan dah tektik camtu kat uncle Z tu.

fruit : ingat u are better than her je lah, sebab tu u get him not her.

Puteri : thanks for the info, that's sounds logical tu.

Po : akan aku tunggu ayat power itu, take you rtime hehehe.

Anonymous said...

Hi auntyn,

Heard that you're one of my seniors at STF. Just drop by to say hi ! really enjoy your writing

Aslinda

Lollies said...

both of us are jealous people. tapik I think bertempat dan make me feel cam best aje and rasanya dia kot. tapik bab material I don't think I am a jealous person.

Anonymous said...

i am sooo tak reti nak cemburu that my other half said if he ever need a second wife, he would enlist my help to look for her. knowing me, i'll probably will. i told him i already have the best of his life, the rest i'll let someone else deal with!

AuntyN said...

Aslinda : Welcome, welcome, which year is in STF? Thanks for the compliment.

Lollies : Jangan sampai cemburu buta dah lah.

Anoynamous : bahagia lah hidup suami you dapat isteri macam ni. I am no angel like you to be honest, hehehe

anedra said...

AUntyN: Semakin lama kawin dah kurang cemburu maybe sebab dah kenal each other betul-betul and the trust is there, tapi sekali sekala kalau buat cemburu tak pasal tu best jugak! Kena spice up things a bit kan??

DeLinn said...

DeLinn...ada masa jeles..ada masa tak jeles ... depends on the situation...

cthnya, ma pren got to go to Anuar Zain's secretary's week tapi kita tak bole.. ishh jelesnyaaaaa :D

lilheaven said...

masa bercinta dulu tak jeles plak. kunun nya trust wholeheartedly la time tuh. long distance tp seriously tak kisah pon. hehee.. dah takdek pa pe nieh, jeles gak kengkdg thinking of who he might be seeing. arh..lantak pi la. bygones shud b bygones.. terdetik seketika bila topic jealousy nieh. =P

i guess i can b categorised as not da envious type kot.. god-willing. mcm penah blog psal ni not too long ago. heh. tak koser la jeles2 nieh.. tak baik utk kesihatan.

Amaran: Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia dengan kerjasama Jabatan Penerangan Malaysia

Sekian. Terima Kasih.

cn said...

cemburu tanda sayang kan aunty..heheheh

atenah said...

AN, the other other person tak jeles pun (brapa punya other daaaa). yg the other person tu plak macam nak jatuh kerusi je dengar....ROTFLOL

on a serious note, you WERE there with us AN, you were very much on our thoughts, love you.

Mutiara said...

Jealous...I am not sure if I am. Neither do I think I am envious of material possesions. I must be a very boring person.

Apple Pie said...

Bila my mom lebihkan cucu dari anak bongsunya nih, ofkos i akan jealous la....ahhahaahhahahahah

Anonymous said...

Orang ber"dating" pon AN dah nak syemburu-syemburu nih, belum lagi orang naik pelam.... :-)

btw, teruk ker AN kena pujuk dia? oh tidakkkkkkk, she didn't want to see me ker mula2 tuh?

sabar jer lah :-(

The Phantom Of The Blog

onde2 said...

material wise - insyaallah tak jealous, dah rezeki masing2 kan..allah gives some he'll take some, tapi bab hati pernah jealous dan selalu jugak, sama jugak dengan hubby cuma macam yang auntyN ckp lah, men takkan tunjuk dia jealous tapi tanya macam2...hubby selalu cakap bila dia kiss kat pipi, ha! dah chop mohor, orang lain takleh ambik!

Kak Teh said...

kak teh jeles jugak tengok kucing bermanja dengan sidia tu. kalau kucing buat apa pun tak apa. kucing nak tidur sebelah, kucing nak bermanja..ish!!!

shidah said...

jeles...jeles... bila auntyn cakap berat dah turun 59kg.... bila la saya nak turun cenggitu.... (p/s: tapi saya tinggi, 161cm) so kurang le jeles sikit :)

AuntyN said...

Anedra : Kadang2 test jugaklah nak tgk dia jeles ke tak, nak spice-up like u say.

Delinn : kalau Anuar Zain tu my angah will be so jeles u...

lilheaven/winnie : Terimakasih atas amaran tu, hehehe

cn : teramat lah betulnya, tak sayang tak jeles lerrr..

Tenah : thanks LOVE U back

Kak M : Agaknya situasi tak "mengizinkan" kak M tu jeles so blessed is your life, I am so Jealous of you!!!!

Phantom : Ko naik pelam.. I tak jeles. Sebab Aunty dah naik dulu dah. Lagi suka, bila tu?...

Kak Teh : Nasib baik dia tak bermanja dgn kucing tu, dia dah ada kucing the very chubby one, meow meow...

Shidah : mesti kena jeles tang tu, kalau tidak tak turun lah, the bigger they are the harder they fall, remember that..hehehe

OOD said...

jealous kat orang yang makan sekati nasi pon kalau gemuk kat jari je. I makan satu suap, tambah berat sekati!

d'arkampo said...

Kak N,

tak tahulah saya tapi Puteri Kelopak Pandan memang jenis jealous gitu tapi bukanlah jenis tanpa usul periksa.

Saya rasa dia terasa 'insecured' dengan dirinya dan cukup takut mendengar kisah-kisah masyarakat semasa.

Padahal, kita sayang dia macam nak gila tapi tak mahulah tunjukkan sangat. Tak macho laaa.

Orang laki ni biasanya jarang nak tunjukkan dia jealous sebab dia lelaki. Dia tak mahu isteri beranggapan dia rasa insecured. Tak macho langsung.

Macam baru-baru ni kat shopping mall. Saya dengan isteri sedang membeli-belah, ada orang memanggil 'orlando..orlando!'.

Saya buat tak tahu saja kerana saya tahu mereka tersalah anggap bahawa saya ini Orlando Bloom.

Rupanya, mereka sedang memilih baju Orlando!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha..

Tak de idea nak komen le.

AuntyN said...

OOD : yang tu pun I jeles jugak tu.

Po : Kalau sayang bagai nak gila, tunjuklah sikit, ni titip puisi bagi seluruh dunia tengok, isteri tak tahu habih camna tak "insecure".
Nasib baik ko tak ade idea nak komen tu Po, kalau tidak.... kena buat special entry agaknya just for your komen kan? Hehehe. Thanks anyway.

lilheaven said...

guess so bro Po.. pompuan mmg ader sket sense of insecurity kot.. =) si dia paham dia disayangi bagai nak rak tp tetap rasa tergugat jugak.. nape ye?.. tapi menda camnieh come n go la, kan? rasa 'jeles' tuh kejap jek timbul then die out lar pastuh..

stillconfuse said...

kalau cam tu saya tak nakla rasa insecure. tak macho la kaan. lagipun apa kelas cemburu-cemburu. kita pun ada pride apa.

saya meluat/getik tahap dangdut bila perempuan cubit-cubit lengan laki atau eksen tarik muka bila laki reling2 pompuan lain.

MassyLassy said...

Jelos??? Mula-mula, ingat perasaan jelos tu tak ada, tapi di satu hari terbaca SMS hubby (time tu baru tunang), menyirap darah ku... Tapi kira, over the top gituk!! Very the buruk!! Malu pun ada you!!! Tapi, as a woman, persaan itu senantiasa ada! Kan???

atenah said...

tumpang lalu AN..

eh orlanPo: aphal plak tak macho tunjuk sayang kat bini. kalu gitu sian kat puteri kelopak pandan

Anonymous said...

dulu2 tak kisah sgt..takde rasa cemburu ni...but as we get older...perasaan cemburu tu dtg..dia dtg dgn bersebab..terbaca sms from someone asking hubby to call back...i called the number...a lady picked up..forced hubby to talk to her..punya laa gediknya lady tu..sakit hati tak terkira..perang besar dgn hubby..dia mintak maaf gila2..mcm2 cara dia buat utk berbaik..tapi hati perempuan kan..bila tercalar payah nak sembuh...walupun kami berbaik..tapi perasaan sangsi masih ada..sekarang bila hubby dpt sms..hati tak tentu arah jadinya..salu jugak check handphone dia curi2..tapi kalau dia delete pun mana nak tau kan...so mcm mana nak percaya kat men ni kan...maybe i always take things for granted..

Anonymous said...

btw lady yg dimaksudkan ialah GRO..karaoke lounge yg hubby pergi..org entertained dia...so kalau sesiapa yg biasa ke karaoke lounge tu akan paham laa mcm mana gro ni kan..hubby bersumpah dia takde apa2 dgn GRO tu..boleh caya ke?

sempoii said...

Asben tak reti jeles pun. Pernah sekali tu chat ngan seorang member lelaki, pastu dia tegur, "chat ngan sapa tu", i jawap la "ngan si polan". Dia baca kat skrin sat, pastu dia kata "kim salam kat dia". pastu dia blah wat hal dia. Aiyooo jeles la sikit w/pun takde apa2 ngan si polan tu kan.

sempoii lak jenis jeles yg amatss..hahahaha! elok la tu :P

cm said...

hubby jeles he confessed that, we had one major hiccup x bersebab kes dia jeles, nasib baik ada that hiccup barulah I tahu yg dia jeles,ayoyo...susah gak ada hubby jeles but we managed to buat MoU bab jeles ni...no more hiccups.

AuntyN said...

Anne : kalau nak cubit pun jangan sampai jatuh maruah suami atau kita sendiri, buar cool je, dalam kereta ke, kat rumah ke, siap lah dia kan, kan, kan.

Lilheaven/winnie : Betui, betui tu

Tenah : sokong tu, awat depa rasa tak macho nak tunjuk sayang no?

Ms Biswack : Jelos pun kena berpada2 jugak tu. Welcome2.

Anoy2 : haru cite macam tu.... nasib baik dapat tau cepat no....

sempoii : Allah maha adil tu.. But it shows he trusts you.

cm : kalau dah tau tu pedo2 kata org utara ni. Jangan dok jolok sarang tebuan.

Onde2 : I missed your komen before, Ooi cop mohor no... Kalau camtu hari2 I dapat cop mohor tu heheheh

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