Jealousy

I am sure you all find the title either revolting or intriguing. Or are you expecting me to tell you that I am a jealous person or my hubby is a jealous person? Sorry to disappoint you, but I am going to write as in general. To some extend please take this with a tongue in the cheek. But if "kena batang hidung" be a sport and laugh at yourself. Because there is a saying, "We have not grown up until we can laugh at ourselves"

Sometimes, I thought to myself "Aku ni tak pernah jeles ke?". So far I am fine, I have never been struck with the green eyed monster to the limit of wanting to kill someone or disfigure them or damage their material things like scratching their new car. But have I really never been jealous of my hubby, no that's really not true either. Have I not seen him jealous of someone I know, that's not true either. The only thing is that our jealousy is stemmed from the feeling of love for each other and the trust we have for each other prevent us from the "cemburu buta" type.

There are many types of jealousies, isn't it. Most jealousies have been associated with marital relationship. I had a case of a secretary of a General Manager where I was working, she went to "serang" the hubby's girlfriend. She even slapped her in the face when she found out that the hubby was going out with this girl. She said she was provoked. I spoke to her and told her it was not a wise thing to do, but since it was done, she could not retracted her action. Of course she regretted it later but "nasi dah jadi bubur kan?" The girl's brothers threatened to beat up her husband in revenge. At least it stopped her husband from marrying the girl !!!. Please don't think that I am recommending this method to anyone.

In the case of my sister, the husband was jealous of her higher income. She is an assistant manager while he is just an officer. He was not promoted because he is the "panas baran" type of person. He was "famous" for his temper so at one time no branch wanted to accept him. Now at any "given" moment he would blame my sister for all the family problems, be it his third son's disciplinary problem or his eldest son's failure to complete his first year at the university. He blames my sister for giving the children extra money or buy the son a motor bike. Can't find the rational in his actions because they are your children too if you cannot meet eye to eye with them, it may be because you have not earned their respect for you as a father.

I am sure you are now asking, is she, AuntyN, is for real that she didn't feel any jealousy. I have moments when I do feel jealous. My blood colour is red too not pure white like Mahsuri. I remember once upon a time when I did feel a bit jealous with all the attention my hubby was showing to his mother. This was very long time ago when I was a young bride. After a while I know that I should not feel that way because the son's responsibility is mother first and wife second.

Then come his passion for plants. I was really feel hurt when he always tell me to take care of all the plants whenever he goes outstation. His last word will not be, "Yang, please take care of yourself, I love you" I think I will be "pengsan" if I hear those words from him whenever he goes outstation. His last word would be, "Please MAKE sure you water the plant twice a day. I'll check on them when I get back" Oh YES!!, the first he will do before he enters the house is to check if any one of the plants have wilted leaves. I used to play truant once or twice, meaning, if he goes on Sunday, and due back on the following Friday. I will make sure that I water the plants on Thursday 2 x a day. Other days, just once. Oh, what do you expect, interrogation time as soon as he discover his durian seedling was dead. Me, so innocently say, I did water the plants (true!), I already saw the plant wilted lah on the first day you went, a little white lie to save my skin. Hehehe.

In the end I felt silly feeling jealous over something like that, it wasn't the plants fault anyway, they could not get watered by themselves if I don't do that. Nowadays even with the maid, I do water them too and he does that too on top of what we have done. So, it justified for me to feel a little jealous over the plants, right?

For him, whenever I asked him if he feels jealous, he will deny it. But I think he does a little. When we were at USM, I remember, as I was walking down the Minden Hill to get to the main road to wait for a bus, a car pulled over with 2 lecturers in it. They gave me lift home. I didn't know them but they were kind enough to give me a lift to where I was staying. Although I professed innocent that I did not thumb a lift but he didn't speak to me for days. I told him next time he had to fetch me if he didn't want a repeat performance. But still, "No I am not jealous". Or when I asked him to go to dinner together with me with Malcolm my friend in the UK, he refused but he put up an acid face for the rest of the evening. I usually can detect the jealousy but, Man!!!, why do they ever want to deny such emotion. Is it a degrading feeling for one to feel a little jealous. I don't think so, as long as it is not the damaging type. Or what we Malay terms as "Cemburu Buta".

There are times when we are jealous of other people's good fortune. Usually, we womenfolk are said to be jealous of our neighbours who bought a new settee or a big plasma TV then we would urge our husbands to buy the same just in order to compete, regardless whether we need them or we can afford them in the first place. Of course lah, if the neighbour is the type who likes to "tayang" definitely you may be also be strucked by the green-eyed devil. Do we still have this? Now in our society? I hope not since we are now so busy trying to earn a better living we may no longer have the time to compete with our neighbour's plama 42 inch TV or the new settee. Maybe it could still happen. Someone say I am too naive, maybe I am....

For the menfolk, I am sure there are some guys out there who would be buying the latest handphone or a PDA, or what ever else.....with all the latest features. If your friend has one, "kecur air liur" when you see him "tayang" to you that. You can't wait until payday to get something better, can you?

Why do well fall prey to this emotion? I believe we are being borned with that in order for us to use for positive re-enforcement like, we should feel jealous to those who are better than us in their worldly goods so that we strive harder to get equal or better. Or to those who are better than us in their amalan we should strive to be better to gain Allah's blessing.

Last but not least.......

The most recent jealousy attack that I suffered was not so many days ago. This was when the 2 bloggers went dating in the DC. Oh no, you guys don't ever get any wrong idea. I was jealous because this person was able to meet with this person. I was partially responsible for that meeting but I was jealous not in the evil way, it was just envy, the fact that, I wanted to be there with them at that time. But, if I was there it would be "kacau daun", three is a crowd right?
I am happy that it happened and the "pujuk" and convincing did work afterall. The rest is history now, it was a very significant meeting for both. Despite being envious, I am happy. I know one day, Insyaallah, I will meet up with her. The other person you can never tell. I will leave that to fate. Insyaallah.

So, come let me know whether as a person you are a jealous person? When was the last time you ever feel that emotion?

I am going to LOVE this, hehehehehe.